10 Questions I Wish I Had Asked My Grandma

I thought I had more time. I thought I'd ask her someday.

A big piece of what made this project into reality was loss.

My grandmother died 5 years ago. I am honored to retell her stories and share who she was to me.

The problem is that my memories of her are fading. In addition to the tragedy of never seeing her again, we live in a world where my children will never get to meet her.

I can retell her stories. I can describe her and her influence on me. But that will only ever be a poor substitute for who she was. A postcard of beauty instead of taking it in firsthand.

As my children get older, they ask me what my grandparents were like as they experience theirs. I tell them about summers spent at her house.

I remember her singing while she cooked. I remember the sing-song way she said goodbye on the telephone. I remember her telling stories about her childhood and moving from Oklahoma. I can remember her laugh, almost.

More than that, the questions I would ask now, the wisdom I would pull from her now that I have kids and a home, weren't things I thought to ask 8 years ago.

There should be more of her left in this world. More than fading memories. More than retold stories. More than an empty house. I should be able to hear her voice. Hear her stories. Hear her advice. See her face.

Even though you didn't know my grandmommy, something tells me you can relate to most, if not all, of what I've shared. This is a heartache we all understand, if we're blessed with a long enough life.

I want to offer something that would have allowed me to capture a little bit of the magic my grandma brought into the lives of the people around her. It wouldn't be the same as having her here, but for me, it's the best I can do.

These are 10 questions I wish I had asked my grandma, and recorded, before she died.

So if you still have your grandma, here are ten questions worth asking and recording.

The Questions

1. Where did you grow up, and how was it different from where you live now?
2. How did you meet my grandpa, and what was your wedding day like?
3. Who has been your closest friend, and what made that friendship special?
4. What's a story that captures what your mother was like?
5. What was the hardest season of your life, and how did you get through it?
6. What do you wish you knew when you first had kids?
7. What advice would you give to someone newly married?
8. What family traditions meant the most to you?
9. How has your relationship with your siblings changed over time?
10. How are each of your children different?

The Real Regret

Want to know the real kicker?

I'm pretty sure I know the answers to about half of these questions. I know what she would have said.

I just wish I had a little more of her left. That I could hear her answer these questions for my children. That I could show my kids my grandma instead of telling them about her.

Most of us don't regret not having better questions. We regret not hearing the answers in their own voice. We regret not hearing the pauses, the tone, the way they told the story.

A handwritten note fades. A memory changes.

But hearing her voice tell the story, that stays.

If you still have your grandmother or grandfather, consider recording just one story for your family this week.

That's all it takes to begin.